How I failed

I failed ..or did I? This statement remains unclear. You might know me as Duke from Duke’s Lounge, or Duke the Sales and Marketing person in real estate. Some think I’m just a barista, some think I’m that tech nerd. Even rarer nowadays people ask ‘How’s the dancing going, Duke?’ but yet, that happened too.

I’m turning 33. I’ve personally lived many lives with different personas and purposes. But one thing stands true, I’m a soldier of passion in a world filled with soldiers of fortune. The longest career I’ve had since leaving school was one that barely paid me. The shortest was the one that paid me the most. I’m used to seeing my friends, colleagues and associates advance in their path. Making unbelievably profits or receiving more-than-comfortable salary packages. I ain’t jealous. Maybe if you asked me when I was 25 years old I might’ve been envious. But the truth is, I can’t do what they do, nor do I want to, and in turn they probably wouldn’t want to live how I live too. The fact is, we should never compare ourselves to others. You might know their successes and net worth, but you’ll never know their level of happiness and wellbeing. No one ever reveals their balance in that bank account which is kind of sad if you think about it for too long. 

So, as a 33 year old, how have a done so far? Well, I grew up in the restaurant business, became a travel goods sales person, then after leaving school I became a mortgage banker, a margin loans assessor, an investment banker and a DJ. I dabbed in owning an events business, designing websites and running a motorcycling club. After losing my mind in the spring of 2009, I went on to build a somewhat successful cafe. 

So why do I feel like I failed? To be honest, because I’m an idiot. I actually have no reason to feel the way that I do, but when I look at my friends and what they’ve achieved in 5 to 10 years, with their brand new cars and picket fences, their weekends away and a cat named Dolly; I, on the other hand have none of that. But what I have is a partner who entirely completes me, memories of my journey and the beautiful people I’ve met along the way. I also have a broad set of skills that is making sure I have food on the table. Not to mention bragging rights to all the things I’ve done, but then again, bragging rights are reserved for people who was a somebody, and those people sit real close to the would haves, should haves and could haves. 

See, again, I’ve bashing myself to the ground. Why do I do that? 

I failed because I’m not seeing the bigger picture. I failed because I’m comparing myself to things I’m incapable or doing. I failed because I’m that stupid fish that wants to climb a tree. Don’t be that fish, unless you want to evolve. But that’s it! Maybe I’m failing because I want to jump before I can skip? Maybe Einstein was wrong and we should actually judge a fish by how it climbs? Look at me now, comparing myself to a god damn fish.

But why not. I’m capable of more. I’m not going to give up. If I want to climb that tree then by-god I will. 

You can’t say you’ve failed until you try.

Believe me, I’m trying.